Drunk Russians

K, not sure how this will work... An awful stereotype that won't leave my head, and I perversely find vaguely amusing. Having known Russians, they are actually wonderful, beautiful and cultured people, and most of them are actually not drunk. But tell me if it's too much. I am being very peurile with these two guys, because they're a bit of me that wants to behave like a flaming imbecile all the time. And speak in a thick Russian accent.

Finally, the dialogue of the boys is deliberately misspelled - I'm attempting to convey their accent here. Yes, they could speak Russian to one another, but that would take some of the fun out of it.

Yuri picked up the intercom phone.

"Da, dis is Borit, I bring calling for Yuri!" The man on the other end had a thick accent, and his tongue was heavy from long drinking sessions.

"Da, Borit, dis Yuri! My frien! Joo bring wodka???" Yuri staggered to the door to his apartment.

"Yuri, joo be thinkings bad tings of me. Of COURSE I bring wodka!" Borit staggered up the stairs, ploughing into either side of the walls on the stairwell, all the time screaming at his friend as they closed to hug in traditional Russian manner.

"Borit, my frien!"

"Yuri!!!"

"BORIT!!!!"

"YURIIIIII!!!!"

"BORIT, JOO STAND ON MY SHOE!!!!"

"Oh, so sorry my frien..."

"Da, joo should be."

"I am."

Yuri humphed back to the couch he was sleeping on. "Borit, what do you like to do more den, ANYTHING."

"Da, I like to party wid wodka and girlies and wodka and more party wid more wodka..."

"I want go bunchie chumping" Yuri interrupted

"What is dis bunchie chumping?"

"Is what dey do in New Zeeeeland, joo know, for laughings."

"Ah! Lord of Rings!"

"Da, and dey do bunchie chumping, and they laughings lots!"

"Do joo know how to bunchie chump?" asked Borit, eager now he thought he had an idea of what Yuri was talking about.

"Da, I see on Teevee!"

"Da???"

"Da!!!"

"Da? Joo show, now!"

"OK, first joo takings a big rope..." Yuri pulled out a spare rope he had prepared earlier... "Den joo tieings to something secure... here, Borit, you big man!" he handed the rope to Borit, and Borit started tieing it gleefully around his ample girth.

"Da, I BIG man!"

"Da, you da BIG BIG man, Borit!"

"Da, I BIIIIIG BIG man!!!"

"CHENEYWAY. Den, you go chumpings!"

"Where you go chumpings?"

"I go out window. Good-bye-bye!" Yuri plunged out the second story window screaming "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

The rope went suddenly taut, and Borit wondered what was going on briefly before being snatched towards the window at a rate of knots.

Yuri kept on travelling down, down, down, waiting to be snatched back up towards the apartments just like he saw on Teevee, but the snatch never came. He landed spreadeagled on the footpath below his flat.

Aching all over, he rolled onto his back, only to see his friend and flying rope between him and Borit plummeting towards him, with Borit screaming "NYYYYYEEEEEEETTTTTTT!!!!!"

Borit landed on top of Yuri with a huge splat, knocking the wind out of both of them. Gunting and groaning from their injuries, Borit looked at Yuri with disdain.

"Yuri, if bunchie chumping hurt so much, nex time, we drink wodka BEFORE we chumpings!"

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